A study from Swedish researchers shows that weight loss and relationships don't always mix. They can lead to confidence — and breakups.
Study shows weight loss can lead to more confidence — and a breakup.
Weight loss is often a positive step toward a healthy — and
longer — life. However, it doesn’t always bode well for relationships,
at least according to a recent study by Swedish researchers.
According to the study, obese people who went through
weight loss surgery were twice as likely to get into a relationship as
peers who only received weight loss advice. However, the study also
found that obese people in long-term relationships and had weight loss
surgery were 28 percent more likely to break up or divorce than peers
who didn’t have surgery.
Why weight loss and relationships don’t always mix
The study results — taken from data published in the
Swedish Obese Subjects Study and the Scandinavian Obesity Surgery
Registry — aren’t surprising to many obesity and relationship experts.
Weight loss can help increase confidence and overall happiness, but it
can also shake the foundation of relationships built when one (or both)
partners are heavy.
"Sometimes, partners are threatened by the weight loss and
that jealousy can cause problems," David Sarwer, director of the Center
for Obesity Research and Education at Temple University's College of
Public Health, told the Los Angeles Times.
"I was dating a heavy girl who I was really into. She was
sexy, and we had a great time together. Then, she got weight-loss
surgery. She could no longer drink, and she had to eat teeny-tiny
meals," one man told Thrillist
of life after his partner had surgery. "Losing weight seemed to make
her happy, but our relationship dissolved because we couldn't go out and
have fun together anymore."
And the newfound confidence — and lifestyle changes — can magnify cracks in a relationship.
"I loved going out to parties, and I wanted Jonathan [her
husband] to come with me," Melanie Slinger told the Daily Mail of her
life after losing a large amount of weight.
"But he wanted to stay at home, sitting in front of the
television — just as we had always done in the past," she continued.
"Our rows grew increasingly bitter. He was jealous of the fact that I
was going out — and I resented the fact that he didn't want me to enjoy
my new-found confidence."
Slinger’s weight loss eventually led to a divorce.
"During one row, Jonathan screamed: 'We were happy when you were fat — can't you just put the weight back on?'"
How to lose weight and save a relationship
Weight loss and relationships don’t have to be oil and water.
"The problem is that unlike losing a job or experiencing
the death of a child, many people don’t recognize drastic weight loss as
a life-changing event, and therefore are not prepared for the changes
it brings about," Armando Gonzalez, a relationship and family therapist
also known as Dr. Mondo, wrote on his website.
Communication — about feelings and resentments — is key.
"As I like to say, 'It’s a season, not a sentence' — meaning, while your
relationships will go through a period of transformation, it doesn’t
mean they will be ruined forever."
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